College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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