I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
