im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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