he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
