Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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