break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
