Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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