Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
