Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
