Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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