Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
