I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
