i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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