wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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