Christians are straight up FREAKS
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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