apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
