Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
