do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
