look no pants
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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