hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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