It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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