Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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