No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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