Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
