he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
