I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
