i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
