So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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