why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
