My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
