Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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