I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
