Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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