I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
