he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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