HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
