Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Even my vagina gasped.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
