I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
