I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
