Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
