Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
