Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
