I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
