cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
