Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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