i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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