You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
