i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
