My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
