I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
one might say we're banned from that church
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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