Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
