Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
