There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
